Tri Lakes Family Blog

Two weeks ago on Sunday morning Bekki shared some inspiration before communion.  I was so blessed with the example she used of the prophet Elijah when he was running from Queen Jezebel who wanted to kill him.  When Elijah was sleeping under a tree, an angel touched him and told him to get up and eat or the journey ahead would be too great for him.  The comparison of taking Jesus into us so that the journey ahead is not too great for us touched me deeply.  I was leaving the next day to spend time with my family in Colorado, and at times the thought of going seemed overwhelming.  As I took communion that morning I was very aware of receiving the life of Jesus into myself in preparation for my journey.  When we marched around our personal Jericho’s following the service I had several things in mind.  One of them was this trip, and the fear I still struggled with about being with my family and what they would think about me or speak to me, and also the familiar pull of what I grew up with.

It is with great joy that I can tell you of God’s faithfulness to me!  I traveled to CO with my sister Ruth, who drove here from PA to take the Amtrak with me.  It took time for us to reconnect and really be relaxed, but God gave us opportunity for good sister time, talking, enjoying scenery, playing games, laughing over silly things, sharing personal struggles and joys.  It was healing and redemptive for both of us.  In CO I stayed a lot of the time at my sister Naomi’s home.  I was blessed by how peaceful their home was and how easy they made it to spend time there.  Seeing the mountains up close from their living room windows was an added treat!  And the children…it is so fun to be an aunt!  With 13 nieces and nephews out there I had lots of opportunity for fun with little ones.  One evening when our family was together at Charles’s (my oldest brother), Charles announced that after the meal we would have a time of singing and testimonies.  What a grand opportunity to do what God had put on my heart to do for my dad.  Pop has had Parkinson’s disease for a couple years now, and even with treatment, shows definite signs of slowing down/aging, along with continual shaking of his hands.  I thought, what could God do for Pop if his family all come together to pray for his healing?  So I talked to Charles about it, and he told me he had thought of it also.  So that evening our family had a prayer time.  I have no memory of ever having such an open vulnerable time with each other and God as we did that night.  I believe that Jericho is coming down in my family.  Confessions, repentance, honesty, drawing near to God… these are all happening.  The religious spirit doesn’t have as strong a hold as it once did, and I trust that it will continue to lose hold as we continue to trust in Jesus.

I’ve been thinking about boiling/heat, and freezing/cold. These are opposites in a lot of ways. Heat will turn liquids to steam while cold will turn liquids to solids. Boiling causes churning and movement while freezing takes away all ability to move. But boiling and freezing share a common task: to hold in check or kill impurities.

In between boiling point and freezing point there is a lot of room for bacteria to grow and thrive. Egg salad left out on your kitchen counter for several days will be room temperature. There’s nothing wrong with room temperature for human beings, but for egg salad it is disastrous.

God says He wants us to be hot or cold. If we linger in the lukewarm stage we open ourselves up to hoards of germs and bacteria. We become toxic to those around us just like that egg salad is after sitting out of the refrigerator for three days.

In decision-making we can get stuck in this lukewarm stage. If we put off making a decision at all because we don’t want to commit, or if fear keeps us from taking steps and making changes our hearts really want to make, we open ourselves up to “room temperature” in our souls. The bacteria of lethargy sets in. We lose our vision and our incentive. We end up confused and frustrated. We lose our freshness, and we no longer give life.

God’s preference is quite obviously that we be hot. But there seems to be something particularly disgusting to Him about it when we are lukewarm. He says that if we stay in that state He will spew us out of His mouth. He would actually rather that we be cold, with our backs turned against Him, than for us to be continually trying to live in two kingdoms at once and never really making a decision.

I want to allow the Holy Spirit’s fire to bring me to and keep me at the boiling point, where impurities are killed and the steam of His life continually rises from my heart.

One of the deepest needs in life is to know that you matter. To know that you have value. To know that you are worth something to someone. There is a place inside that was created to be filled with that.

When you do not know that you matter, then you spend your life desperately trying to find or create it. You would almost sell your soul for the opportunity to be able to feel that you matter.

You try to create it. In one way or another, you try to create fantasy world where you can always make people value you the way you long for them to. Where you can always be someone who is valued and who matters.

You try to create it and then control it in those you live around, by trying to gain their favor and approval, even when it means denying who you were really meant to be or doing things you do not want to do in hopes that they will approve of you. You hope that if you are who they want you to be, then you will be able to keep your worth with them. You are afraid not to, for fear that you will not matter to them anymore.

You build false kingdoms in which you matter to false lovers. You take on false responsibilities in order for someone to need you so that you will matter. You sell yourself in order to matter. You give away the real for the fantasy in order to feel that you matter. And then when the bubble bursts, and you perceive that none of that was real, you give yourself over to more addictions to try to muffle the terrible pain inside.

You don’t know how to know that you really matter. You don’t even know if you do.  And still the hole is inside.  You go on doing things you hate doing because there is an inner compelling force that drives you, above everything else, to want to matter. To have value.

Because you do have value. You were made to matter. You were made to live in that embrace. You were created to pursue that compelling force that drives you to the place where you really really matter.

But because you felt the wounds and received the lies where there should have been value and affirmation, you do not recognize that true place.  Your heart does not know how to connect with the one true Person who made you to matter. You do not understand that there already is a place where you matter. You do not know how to find or live from that place.

And yet, all the while, that place inside was created to be filled with that very thing. That place inside  was created to receive and be filled with the value that was designed especially for you by the Creator Himself. There is a place inside that can never be satisfied until it has entered into that embrace of value from the One who created the compelling need in the first place for the specific purpose of being filled by His value and embrace.

I’ve been on this journey, and the further I go, the further I see how much I am still on the journey. The further Father God brings me into His heart, the more my deepest place of origin cries out to Him to know His value for me, to be able to receive His love for me to the fullest. The further I go, the more I learn both how much He values me, and how much more I am still longing to know that value from Him. The further He takes me, the more I learn to love Him, because when you really experience that place of love and value in His heart, your heart learns to love back.

Charlene and Bob Nolan are in Honduras right now.  I gave her a bit of a report on the ladies retreat because she was praying for us and asked how things went.  One of the comments/desires I shared with her follows and she reported back concerning this comment with their current experience in Honduras–enjoy and pray for them!

“I want to be filled with the grace of God and the Holy Spirit, a woman of integrity and wisdom like Stephen, who’s face shines in opposition because of the encounter and oneness with Jesus.”  -Doreen

“This weekend we ministered at 2 different churches and the pastor and his family have gone through great trials where they’ve almost lost their lives in car multiple car accidents AND their family members also attacked through a massive motorcycle accident. The guy was left for dead yet lives and walks with a walker. These folks are so full of joy and radiate with the glory of God. As I stood looking at them dancing in the worship service the Lord spoke to me the word RESURRECTION. I pondered the word and was reminded how Jesus rose from the dead, but he rose with the POWER of God and PRESENCE OF THE SPIRIT OF GOD – radiating His glory.

I thought of what I’ve walked through with my physical deal and at times had many lessons trusting God to give me physical strength to keep going. For example when we came to Honduras shortly after being hit again with Bell’s palsy yet was carried by the wonderful hands of a loving Father. The passage in 2 Cor. I think 3 or chapter 4 where Paul was talking about all the persecution he went through and sometimes faced death yet he said this light and momentary affliction was for a far greater weight of eternal glory.

Makes you stop and think about this doesn’t it??? To see the JOY of the LORD in these folks is such a testimony. The pastor and his wife that were assaulted had services that night and the following day and keep going. I can think of my friends in India that also face threats of death for their ministry – . I’m still growing and learning my friend and I, too ask the same thing you asked for.  We can pray for each other for this. We are His bright and shining ones my friend! “

another update from Charlene:

I found myself in a very sick place for several years.  I cried out to Jesus to come, NOW, and heal this situation or I knew death would come.  Several friends, on my behalf, cried out for healing also.  But death came.  I felt the numb, cool embrace of the death of hopes, dreams, and life as I knew it.   Then Jesus came.  Jesus wept with me. He embraced me and then HE called me back to life.  This is what I saw.

When did the miracle happen?  Was it when Lazarus was bathed, dressed in clean clothes, and feasting with Jesus and friends?  Was it when all the grave clothes where removed and those who loved him could touch his warm skin and see life in his eyes?  Was the miracle when he exited the dark tomb?  Or was the miracle when life began to return to Lazarus inside that dark tomb, while he was still wrapped in stinking grave clothes and moved his formerly dead body so that he could get up and leave the tomb?

My miracle return to life happened when I awoke with tears already on my face and a sob choking me awake.  At that moment I gave in to the grief.  Before this I had been angry with my husband. I was blaming others for not helping earlier and  attacking myself for weakness.   Right now I am still stinking. I need help to remove the grave clothes.  I shy away from people getting too close or looking in my eyes, but I have left the tomb’s darkness.  I am out here with both Jesus and my friends.  Someday I will have the feast but for now I am happy to be breathing life rather than laying in death.

And that’s all I have to say about that.

“On more than one significant occasion God has told me to ’stay put’ or ’stay in the place’ or ’stay in the vein’ (as it were) when I was struggling. It seems to be one of God’s ways…almost like a test of: ‘Will you trust Me if I tell you to stay put?’

Too many people panic, and panic is a killer. As one President was famously quoted, ‘The only thing we have to fear is FEAR ITSELF!’ That is a profound piece of wisdom.

Yes, make changes. Yes, cut costs. Yes, pull in the reins during troubled-water times. But often, it’s just at that point where God says, ‘But stay right where you are for now!’ If that applies to you, then allow it to apply to you right now.”

Jarius was a leader in the Synagogue and probably had the same feelings about Jesus as the rest of them. BUT when it came to the possibility of his daughter’s healing, he thought differently. It’s easy to dismiss something a far off but when it touches our family, we have to face the truth of it.

The woman with the blood hemorrhage was desperate. She was unclean. She felt so ugly inside from bleeding that long. She was desperate for a touch from Jesus. She risked it all to touch him. At once she knew she was healed. She didn’t want to bother Jesus. She decided to just touch him, which would have made Jesus unclean in the Jewish law. It was a risk she probably felt he would never know.

Sometimes we are so desperate and think we can just barely touch Jesus. But he always knows and will meet us in our desperation.

Both Jarius and the woman were desperate in a different way. Jarius was desperate for healing for his daughter. He risked his reputation in the Synagogue to have Jesus touch his daughter. The woman risked breaking the Jewish law by touching someone while she was unclean. Both risked a lot because they believed Jesus was the answer to their need. He is the answer to your need, too. Jesus knows our desperation. He loves us so much. He wants us to reach out and touch him. He doesn’t care if we get him “dirty” with our sinful, ugly lives. He loves us enough to meet us in that unclean state. But he loves us enough to not leave us there. Healing will flow when we reach out and touch him in our desperation. Don’t wait! Touch him now. He’s waiting for you.

In Mark 3:20-21, 31-35, we see that Jesus’ mother and brothers came to see him because they wanted to take him home. They had heard that the disciples didn’t even have time to eat. The reason they came in the first place was to put a stop to what he was doing. They couldn’t believe what he was doing was what God wanted. They were concerned about physical things more than about spiritual things. In the New Living Translation, they said, “He’s out of his mind.” They were more concerned about the outward appearance and how what he did effected them and their reputation. I also believe they were genuinely concerned about his physical well-being. They were on a mission to make sure Jesus was taking care of himself.

In verses 31-35 when someone told Jesus his mother and brothers were outside, he responded in a way that I always felt was a little harsh. He acted like they were nothing even though they were his family. He knew what was in their hearts. He knew they didn’t support what he was about. He knew they had really come to put a stop to what he was doing. He knew he had to do what God has called him to. Jesus’ response told them that they were not his family if they were trying to do something that was out of God’s will. We are all his family if we do the will of the Father.

His family’s concern was legitimate. I can especially relate as a mother. Jesus’ mother must have been very concerned that Jesus wasn’t taking care of himself and would wear himself out. But their concern was not what God wanted them to be concerned about. They saw their son/sibling and the physical part. God wanted them to see the Messiah–HIS son and be concerned about doing the will of the Father in Heaven. They couldn’t see past the physical realm into the spiritual realm.

What realm do I see? Am I so focused on the physical life that I miss what God is doing spiritually? I don’t want to stand in the way of what God is doing. I am an administrative person. I always see the physical stuff around me; what needs to be done to make things happen. God wants me to see past that. Sometimes he is doing something in the spiritual that looks a little messy physically. If I step in and try to stop it or help, I could mess up what he is doing in someone’s life.

Lord, give us eyes to see both the physical and the spiritual. We don’t want to stand in the way of what you are doing in our lives and in the lives of the people in our spheres of influence.